GRS journal, part two
Feb. 27th, 2004 09:17 am![[personal profile]](http://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tigrisWednesday, February 18, 2004
No longer attached to bags or tubes and am now free to walk around as much as I like, but I can only do it in short bits as I get very dizzy. I’m now completely off the Demerol, so a small tylenol-equivalent keeps me going, and antibacterial med, and an anti-inflamatory. The surgery site is heavily bruised, black and blue in places. I haven’t actually seen the thing yet, because it’s still bandaged up.
Good news is that I get the bandages off tomorrow morning, although I’m still all full of packing cotton that is making me uncomfortable. Can’t wait to get that out. But that’s Monday. My over-talkative roommate is driving me batty, tempered only by Lisa’s even tempered calm. Otherwise I think I may have strangled the life outta my roommate by now.
No one called me today except Tanan and Afan. So it’s just Lisa keeping me company in person still. I wish I knew if cinsangel had her cellphone or when they were all coming down.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Back at the residence now. Menkure left a message so I’ll be certain to call him back. Just FYI there are pictures online at Cindy’s website: http://www.cindigirl.com/Montreal . Am so sick of prune and cranberry juice. Have been craving hard shell tacos, deep dish Chicago style cheese pizza, chocolate chip cookies, buttermilk…
My roommate went from annoying today to positively unlivable. She snaps at me and insists she isn’t snapping, is insulting, and I don’t need her stress. I may ask for a different room.
Got the email from livejournal stating that cinsangel had replied saying she couldn’t come see me here in Montreal, so I don’t have to worry about her. Called back Menkure. I called late but he was still asleep when I called. We talked for an hour about stuff – it was wonderful. Afan called later, and Tanan called earlier in the day. Lisa was here most of the day and did another email run for me, and I slept most of the day. Bless Lisa’s heart!
Friday, February 20, 2004
In a lot of pain today from the swelling, and am being anti-social to avoid my roommate. Am a little depressed about there being less than a week left and it’s looking like the gargcon folks that were gonna try and show won’t be able to. In the same town, but me on bedrest and not knowing where they are or how to reach them. And I wanted to see them so badly. I’ll try the cell numbers today and see how that goes. I say try because even with the pain meds I’m still painfully swollen, no appetite, in pain, and can’t do much else than sleep all day.
Saw Dr. Brassard today and he says I’m doing just fine. Listening to Eddie Izzard to cheer me up (Thank you Demeter!). Talked to Afan and Tanan, which was nice. Also talked to Menkure. He’s a very nice shy kid that is always worried he’s overstepping his bounds and is very friendly without being overly so.
Had the greatest bath ever (or so it felt). The bathroom on the top floor is the hardest to reach because of the stairs, but it has a beautiful slanted painted ceiling, a 45-degree wall covered in mirrors, and spots that hit the mirrors in such a way that they rainbow. Combine that with a really deep tub that fills nice and fast and the soap that I have to bathe in (dish soap basically) that foams up like a scentless bubblebath… I really loved that bath.
Saturday, February 21, 2004
More snow today and the periodic power outage. Was moved to a different room yesterday to avoid the roommate I disliked, and that has helped me de-stress a lot. Less swelling today also. Heard from AFan, Menkure, and Tanan. All my phone cards are exhausted so I can’t call out to people anymore. Lisa was here today and I was very glad she was.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
This is the last day for all the stiches. Today is the day those stitches are the most painful and I’m in the most agony. Today is also the last day Lisa is here. I expect to sleep a lot today so maybe there can be one last email run. I’ve told Tanan that I really don’t care anymore if the folks I wanted to hear from I never do. I mean if I had a friend in the hospital that I cared about, I would at least call them. When Rose was in the hospital I called her. While here I’ve heard from Afan, Menkure, Tanan, Auntiesolder, Lisa, and Beth Mitchroney, there were a whole lotta people I count as friends who I haven’t heard from and really miss. I’m lonely when Lisa’s not here. Really lonely. The gargcons folks said they’d try, and turns out weren’t able to. At least they didn’t pull what my mother did and swore to be here and then conveniently forgot her promise. So very lonely and so very far from home. On the downside I’m not eating very much in general. The food here smells great, tastes great, but I just can’t seem to eat anything. Talked to Menkure, Tanan, and Afan on the phone today.
Monday, February 23, 2004
8am: Well I’m laying here all prepared and ready to go, waiting for them to take my stitches out and end the misery. They were supposed to be here at 7am. My luck I get the nurse who is terminally late for everything.
9am: Stitches are out. Lotta blood and healing to do. Lisa is here, thank the Goddess.
1pm: AAAaahh the joys of freedom from sitches! It’s simply marvelous I tell you! My bum is no longer half sewn shut. I can stand up without hurting, walk around without hurting, climb stairs without hurting, and here I am with no phone cards to tell anyone about it. Lisa had to leave a while ago for the airport and fly home. All alone here.
4pm: I got a get-well card from Menkure! Awesome! First card I’ve gotten since this whole hospital thing started! I hope that maybe there will be more waiting for me when I get home. I have the feeling today that this is the start of end of my stay, so I’m starting to think about the airline arrangements to get home and the packing and stuff. Very anxious and excited to get home. The flight leaves in the late afternoon on Thursday (local time) and gets back late Thursday evening (California time). I feel like I’m starting to get back into my normal routine a little – despite the recovering from surgery and all. I no longer feel like an invalid – a little more like me now.
9pm: Only heard from Afan and Tanan today pretty much. Tanan says Kenny and Beth Mitchroney are planning on getting together on Saturday to fix the radio on the Geo, and I know Aayrick wanted get together with me this weekend just to hang out, so that will likely be Sunday. Tomorrow I see the surgeon again and he gives his thumbs up. I just have these last few days left and I can go home. My flight out is like 5pm on Thursday afternoon, so I both hope I’m ready and hope it comes really really soon because I do wanna get home.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
8am: Had a dream I was at home, it was the weekend, and I was going to spend time with friends. Then I work up and I was still here with almost three full days of this left to go and there’s no water at all – city maintenance has decided that middle of the morning on a Tuesday would be a perfect time to work on the water supply for several neighborhoods. I’m going back to bed until there’s hot water.
Later: Thankfully it didn’t take them long to get the hot water turned back on. Heard from Auntiesolder today, as well as Tanan, Afan, and Lisa by phone. Tomorrow is the great packing day, and then Thursday I leave the residence at 2:30, board a plane at 5:30, spent on the order of eight hours in the air and get home around 10:30. Time zones. Ergh.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Well I heard from Tlayna and Tasha today, as well as Tanan and Lisa, and I want to say I heard from Aayrick yesterday evening along with an agent from Canada Airlines confirming my need for a wheelchair on Thursday’s flight. Exchanged contact information with one of the residents here who happens to live very close to me back home. I’ve packed as much as I can pack for now. I leave here at 2pm tomorrow and there should be people and a wheelchair for me when I get there to the airport. I cannot wait to get home.
Saturday will be spend in Martinez with Kenny and Beth Mithroney who want to see me and that I’m okay. Sunday however is looking a bit busy. Menkure wanted to do stuff online and Aayrick talked about coming over. I imagine I’ll talk to Aayrick and get his feelings on stuff.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
8a: A morning where just waking up and getting moving is painful I’ve downgraded from the expensive pain meds to the over-the-counter ones for a number of reasons, including cost when paid without insurance. Today I feel depressed. Never saw any of the gargcon folks. I feel… forgotten. Lisa, Tanan, Menkure, Aayrick, Auntiesoldier, Afan, T’Layna & tasha – they all remembered me when I was in the hospital. I gave the number and the address… did I do something wrong? I posted all the info – the address and the phone number - in livejournal… what did I do wrong?
Cast your eyes to the ocean
Cast you soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me…
Please remember me…
Please remember me…
(Loreena McKennit, Dante’s Prayer, from The Book Of Secrets)
10am: Still very tired. Didn’t sleep well last night. Just can’t seem get MOVING this morning. I’m finishing my packing, but I’m just DRAGGING. Hopefully this will mean sleeping on the plane.
1pm: All packed. Ready to leave. Right now. PLEASE.
I’m trying to draw an analogy here and the best I can do is sports. I’ll make this really general so if you don’t follow sports, this should still makes sense.
Okay, imagine something with me for a second. You live in a state where there are three sports teams around, red team, blue team, and green team. You think the red team has really got it together and is a really cool team. You think the blue team is kind so-so, got some good players and some good plays, but really isn’t all that great. You think the green team really hasn’t got it together and dislike the green team. But the blue team is the team that plays in your city. So you root and cheer and follow the news for the blue team because it’s good sportsmanship and good community spirit, even though you know your local blue team isn’t quite as great as red team, but you know with certainty that both red and blue are better than green team.
Now to illustrate my views on national politics, use this analogy where Red Team = Canada, Blue Team = The United States of America, and the Green Team = Mexico. Canada in some regards has really got it together. Their not sue-crazy, their not into ‘political correctness’, and there are some other facets about it’s political, judicial, and social system that make a lot more sense than the American system. Now I look at the Mexican system and shake my head. You can’t even take a private railcar trip into Mexico without stopping first at the border to dump out the water from the tanks before entering America. However even American has its problems, and almost all of them are south of the Mason-Dixon line.
5pm (EST): When I checked in I was placed alone in a waiting room with chairs and a phone where I sat waiting for 15-20 minutes. By that time I was scared and crying to myself I wanted so badly to go home. Where’s a recall or three clicks with the ruby slippers when you need it? Finally a lady came and got me and took me to through customs, to my gate, even helped wheel me over to the bathrooms and back again. Boarded my Air Canada flight – first person on board because I was in a wheelchair. I’m also being put in first class accommodations, which is another fist for me. It was kinda funny – when I checked my two bags the handler looked at the tags and said: “Hey – San Jose! That’s where the Sharks play!” I play and said “Yup!” Hockey. To Canadians it’s not a sport – it’s religion. As soon as they start serving drinks I need to take my antibiotic and my Tylenol. The seats here are okay with my pillow to help, but every time someone big walks by the whole chair shakes and it hurts.
8pm (CST): Oh the pain the pain the pain. Air Canada treated me great on the flight with the first class accommodations and things, but now arrived at Chicago to connect with the San Jose flight and I’m met with pandemonium. The Air Canada flight had less than 40 people on it, and there were just the two of us in the first class section. I get here, I’m told my gate is B3 so the wheelchair guy takes me there. Then it’s changed to B9. I had to wait half an hour for someone to wheel me to B9. And it looks to be a really packed flight. I don’t expect the next five hours to be very pleasant at all. It will be so nice to see Tanan’s face when I get there. My flight to San Jose is already an hour delayed, so I’m already getting home an hour later than expected. I keep crying because I just want to get home.
9pm (CST): Oh. Good. Ee. We get an inflight movie. Watching Master & Commander again – at least it’s a movie that I already know. Makes it easier to follow and they’ve edited all the points that I had trouble with. Am in pain and waiting for the drink service STILL and we’ve been in the air almost an hour.
9pm(PST): Finally got something to drink and took all my meds that I could. Stupid me all my anti-infection meds are in my other bags with all my other evening meds. To hell with this time zone crap. I’m almost home – I want to use the time from home. Finished watching the movie. My body hurts like hell and I’ve taken my pain meds and either they’ve not kicked in yet, they just aren’t working, or this goddamn United Airlines is just bloody uncomfortable. Most likely the latter. Try as I might I can’t seem to get comfortable for very long. Last report I heard was that we were trying to make up for lost time and get in somewhat closer to our expected arrival time, which was at ten O’clock. It’s black outside my window so I’ve no clue how close we are to making that, or just how masterfully late we really are. It’s unmercifully hot in here, and unlike the Air Canada flight which had seats I could sleep in, there’s no way I can sleep in this. But I’ll take a copy of the Master & Commander soundtrack.
Friday, February 27, 2004
Well cheerio, all! I’m laying in my own bed, slept and feeling better. I’m using my own wireless electrons and I’ll attempt to start posting this whole damn journal. Oy Gevalt. Forgive me if I get spammy. And forgive me if I don’t read everyone’s past 2 weeks worth of entries – way more than I can read I’m afraid.
Q. Now that you’ve achieved one of your life goals, what next?
A. Two words: College degree.
Q. What in?
A. Not sure. I need to figure that out, eh?
I'm in a lot of pain today. Lost of a lot of progress and I'll need time to catch up again. I'm in a lot of pain right now and need to unpack. Give me some time to get settled.
No longer attached to bags or tubes and am now free to walk around as much as I like, but I can only do it in short bits as I get very dizzy. I’m now completely off the Demerol, so a small tylenol-equivalent keeps me going, and antibacterial med, and an anti-inflamatory. The surgery site is heavily bruised, black and blue in places. I haven’t actually seen the thing yet, because it’s still bandaged up.
Good news is that I get the bandages off tomorrow morning, although I’m still all full of packing cotton that is making me uncomfortable. Can’t wait to get that out. But that’s Monday. My over-talkative roommate is driving me batty, tempered only by Lisa’s even tempered calm. Otherwise I think I may have strangled the life outta my roommate by now.
No one called me today except Tanan and Afan. So it’s just Lisa keeping me company in person still. I wish I knew if cinsangel had her cellphone or when they were all coming down.
Thursday, February 19, 2004
Back at the residence now. Menkure left a message so I’ll be certain to call him back. Just FYI there are pictures online at Cindy’s website: http://www.cindigirl.com/Montreal . Am so sick of prune and cranberry juice. Have been craving hard shell tacos, deep dish Chicago style cheese pizza, chocolate chip cookies, buttermilk…
My roommate went from annoying today to positively unlivable. She snaps at me and insists she isn’t snapping, is insulting, and I don’t need her stress. I may ask for a different room.
Got the email from livejournal stating that cinsangel had replied saying she couldn’t come see me here in Montreal, so I don’t have to worry about her. Called back Menkure. I called late but he was still asleep when I called. We talked for an hour about stuff – it was wonderful. Afan called later, and Tanan called earlier in the day. Lisa was here most of the day and did another email run for me, and I slept most of the day. Bless Lisa’s heart!
Friday, February 20, 2004
In a lot of pain today from the swelling, and am being anti-social to avoid my roommate. Am a little depressed about there being less than a week left and it’s looking like the gargcon folks that were gonna try and show won’t be able to. In the same town, but me on bedrest and not knowing where they are or how to reach them. And I wanted to see them so badly. I’ll try the cell numbers today and see how that goes. I say try because even with the pain meds I’m still painfully swollen, no appetite, in pain, and can’t do much else than sleep all day.
Saw Dr. Brassard today and he says I’m doing just fine. Listening to Eddie Izzard to cheer me up (Thank you Demeter!). Talked to Afan and Tanan, which was nice. Also talked to Menkure. He’s a very nice shy kid that is always worried he’s overstepping his bounds and is very friendly without being overly so.
Had the greatest bath ever (or so it felt). The bathroom on the top floor is the hardest to reach because of the stairs, but it has a beautiful slanted painted ceiling, a 45-degree wall covered in mirrors, and spots that hit the mirrors in such a way that they rainbow. Combine that with a really deep tub that fills nice and fast and the soap that I have to bathe in (dish soap basically) that foams up like a scentless bubblebath… I really loved that bath.
Saturday, February 21, 2004
More snow today and the periodic power outage. Was moved to a different room yesterday to avoid the roommate I disliked, and that has helped me de-stress a lot. Less swelling today also. Heard from AFan, Menkure, and Tanan. All my phone cards are exhausted so I can’t call out to people anymore. Lisa was here today and I was very glad she was.
Sunday, February 22, 2004
This is the last day for all the stiches. Today is the day those stitches are the most painful and I’m in the most agony. Today is also the last day Lisa is here. I expect to sleep a lot today so maybe there can be one last email run. I’ve told Tanan that I really don’t care anymore if the folks I wanted to hear from I never do. I mean if I had a friend in the hospital that I cared about, I would at least call them. When Rose was in the hospital I called her. While here I’ve heard from Afan, Menkure, Tanan, Auntiesolder, Lisa, and Beth Mitchroney, there were a whole lotta people I count as friends who I haven’t heard from and really miss. I’m lonely when Lisa’s not here. Really lonely. The gargcons folks said they’d try, and turns out weren’t able to. At least they didn’t pull what my mother did and swore to be here and then conveniently forgot her promise. So very lonely and so very far from home. On the downside I’m not eating very much in general. The food here smells great, tastes great, but I just can’t seem to eat anything. Talked to Menkure, Tanan, and Afan on the phone today.
Monday, February 23, 2004
8am: Well I’m laying here all prepared and ready to go, waiting for them to take my stitches out and end the misery. They were supposed to be here at 7am. My luck I get the nurse who is terminally late for everything.
9am: Stitches are out. Lotta blood and healing to do. Lisa is here, thank the Goddess.
1pm: AAAaahh the joys of freedom from sitches! It’s simply marvelous I tell you! My bum is no longer half sewn shut. I can stand up without hurting, walk around without hurting, climb stairs without hurting, and here I am with no phone cards to tell anyone about it. Lisa had to leave a while ago for the airport and fly home. All alone here.
4pm: I got a get-well card from Menkure! Awesome! First card I’ve gotten since this whole hospital thing started! I hope that maybe there will be more waiting for me when I get home. I have the feeling today that this is the start of end of my stay, so I’m starting to think about the airline arrangements to get home and the packing and stuff. Very anxious and excited to get home. The flight leaves in the late afternoon on Thursday (local time) and gets back late Thursday evening (California time). I feel like I’m starting to get back into my normal routine a little – despite the recovering from surgery and all. I no longer feel like an invalid – a little more like me now.
9pm: Only heard from Afan and Tanan today pretty much. Tanan says Kenny and Beth Mitchroney are planning on getting together on Saturday to fix the radio on the Geo, and I know Aayrick wanted get together with me this weekend just to hang out, so that will likely be Sunday. Tomorrow I see the surgeon again and he gives his thumbs up. I just have these last few days left and I can go home. My flight out is like 5pm on Thursday afternoon, so I both hope I’m ready and hope it comes really really soon because I do wanna get home.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
8am: Had a dream I was at home, it was the weekend, and I was going to spend time with friends. Then I work up and I was still here with almost three full days of this left to go and there’s no water at all – city maintenance has decided that middle of the morning on a Tuesday would be a perfect time to work on the water supply for several neighborhoods. I’m going back to bed until there’s hot water.
Later: Thankfully it didn’t take them long to get the hot water turned back on. Heard from Auntiesolder today, as well as Tanan, Afan, and Lisa by phone. Tomorrow is the great packing day, and then Thursday I leave the residence at 2:30, board a plane at 5:30, spent on the order of eight hours in the air and get home around 10:30. Time zones. Ergh.
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
Well I heard from Tlayna and Tasha today, as well as Tanan and Lisa, and I want to say I heard from Aayrick yesterday evening along with an agent from Canada Airlines confirming my need for a wheelchair on Thursday’s flight. Exchanged contact information with one of the residents here who happens to live very close to me back home. I’ve packed as much as I can pack for now. I leave here at 2pm tomorrow and there should be people and a wheelchair for me when I get there to the airport. I cannot wait to get home.
Saturday will be spend in Martinez with Kenny and Beth Mithroney who want to see me and that I’m okay. Sunday however is looking a bit busy. Menkure wanted to do stuff online and Aayrick talked about coming over. I imagine I’ll talk to Aayrick and get his feelings on stuff.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
8a: A morning where just waking up and getting moving is painful I’ve downgraded from the expensive pain meds to the over-the-counter ones for a number of reasons, including cost when paid without insurance. Today I feel depressed. Never saw any of the gargcon folks. I feel… forgotten. Lisa, Tanan, Menkure, Aayrick, Auntiesoldier, Afan, T’Layna & tasha – they all remembered me when I was in the hospital. I gave the number and the address… did I do something wrong? I posted all the info – the address and the phone number - in livejournal… what did I do wrong?
Cast your eyes to the ocean
Cast you soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me…
Please remember me…
Please remember me…
(Loreena McKennit, Dante’s Prayer, from The Book Of Secrets)
10am: Still very tired. Didn’t sleep well last night. Just can’t seem get MOVING this morning. I’m finishing my packing, but I’m just DRAGGING. Hopefully this will mean sleeping on the plane.
1pm: All packed. Ready to leave. Right now. PLEASE.
I’m trying to draw an analogy here and the best I can do is sports. I’ll make this really general so if you don’t follow sports, this should still makes sense.
Okay, imagine something with me for a second. You live in a state where there are three sports teams around, red team, blue team, and green team. You think the red team has really got it together and is a really cool team. You think the blue team is kind so-so, got some good players and some good plays, but really isn’t all that great. You think the green team really hasn’t got it together and dislike the green team. But the blue team is the team that plays in your city. So you root and cheer and follow the news for the blue team because it’s good sportsmanship and good community spirit, even though you know your local blue team isn’t quite as great as red team, but you know with certainty that both red and blue are better than green team.
Now to illustrate my views on national politics, use this analogy where Red Team = Canada, Blue Team = The United States of America, and the Green Team = Mexico. Canada in some regards has really got it together. Their not sue-crazy, their not into ‘political correctness’, and there are some other facets about it’s political, judicial, and social system that make a lot more sense than the American system. Now I look at the Mexican system and shake my head. You can’t even take a private railcar trip into Mexico without stopping first at the border to dump out the water from the tanks before entering America. However even American has its problems, and almost all of them are south of the Mason-Dixon line.
5pm (EST): When I checked in I was placed alone in a waiting room with chairs and a phone where I sat waiting for 15-20 minutes. By that time I was scared and crying to myself I wanted so badly to go home. Where’s a recall or three clicks with the ruby slippers when you need it? Finally a lady came and got me and took me to through customs, to my gate, even helped wheel me over to the bathrooms and back again. Boarded my Air Canada flight – first person on board because I was in a wheelchair. I’m also being put in first class accommodations, which is another fist for me. It was kinda funny – when I checked my two bags the handler looked at the tags and said: “Hey – San Jose! That’s where the Sharks play!” I play and said “Yup!” Hockey. To Canadians it’s not a sport – it’s religion. As soon as they start serving drinks I need to take my antibiotic and my Tylenol. The seats here are okay with my pillow to help, but every time someone big walks by the whole chair shakes and it hurts.
8pm (CST): Oh the pain the pain the pain. Air Canada treated me great on the flight with the first class accommodations and things, but now arrived at Chicago to connect with the San Jose flight and I’m met with pandemonium. The Air Canada flight had less than 40 people on it, and there were just the two of us in the first class section. I get here, I’m told my gate is B3 so the wheelchair guy takes me there. Then it’s changed to B9. I had to wait half an hour for someone to wheel me to B9. And it looks to be a really packed flight. I don’t expect the next five hours to be very pleasant at all. It will be so nice to see Tanan’s face when I get there. My flight to San Jose is already an hour delayed, so I’m already getting home an hour later than expected. I keep crying because I just want to get home.
9pm (CST): Oh. Good. Ee. We get an inflight movie. Watching Master & Commander again – at least it’s a movie that I already know. Makes it easier to follow and they’ve edited all the points that I had trouble with. Am in pain and waiting for the drink service STILL and we’ve been in the air almost an hour.
9pm(PST): Finally got something to drink and took all my meds that I could. Stupid me all my anti-infection meds are in my other bags with all my other evening meds. To hell with this time zone crap. I’m almost home – I want to use the time from home. Finished watching the movie. My body hurts like hell and I’ve taken my pain meds and either they’ve not kicked in yet, they just aren’t working, or this goddamn United Airlines is just bloody uncomfortable. Most likely the latter. Try as I might I can’t seem to get comfortable for very long. Last report I heard was that we were trying to make up for lost time and get in somewhat closer to our expected arrival time, which was at ten O’clock. It’s black outside my window so I’ve no clue how close we are to making that, or just how masterfully late we really are. It’s unmercifully hot in here, and unlike the Air Canada flight which had seats I could sleep in, there’s no way I can sleep in this. But I’ll take a copy of the Master & Commander soundtrack.
Friday, February 27, 2004
Well cheerio, all! I’m laying in my own bed, slept and feeling better. I’m using my own wireless electrons and I’ll attempt to start posting this whole damn journal. Oy Gevalt. Forgive me if I get spammy. And forgive me if I don’t read everyone’s past 2 weeks worth of entries – way more than I can read I’m afraid.
Q. Now that you’ve achieved one of your life goals, what next?
A. Two words: College degree.
Q. What in?
A. Not sure. I need to figure that out, eh?
I'm in a lot of pain today. Lost of a lot of progress and I'll need time to catch up again. I'm in a lot of pain right now and need to unpack. Give me some time to get settled.
